Shit Corrie Says

You don't have a boyfriend!

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 18:01:33 -0500

Yes I do! My boyfriend’s in the stars. His name is Orion and he has a nice belt. Likes to show off his junk!

Vampire Diaires

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 18:01:21 -0500

Why do they have stretch marks under their eyes? It’s called concealer!

It's Cold

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 18:01:13 -0500

My nips are having a field day that I wasn’t invited to chaperone.

She's a

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 21:23:50 -0500

Hojoto - hoe!

Food

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 21:20:11 -0500

Chi Chi and Chik Chik!! Give me that sweet ques!

I'm Offended

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 00:22:36 -0400

My ancestors are rolling in their graves like rotisserie chickens right now.

Television

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 01:07:27 -0400

There should really just be pictures of cats on Saturday night programming. I mean, think of the people who are at home, watching tv, on Saturday nights.

Relationships

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 00:11:01 -0400

I love how people congratulate themselves for getting through two months together. You lasted as long as a flu.

Arm Hair

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 23:55:00 -0400

I’m gonna comb down my arm hair. It’s really soft today. I’m glad I brushed it out.

Eyebrows

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 23:36:34 -0400

Dude, my eyebrows look like weird tadpoles or some shit.

Getting a little excited to go back to college

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 21:20:45 -0400

Dance Moms and Chinese food night, for sure! And then we can all get matching tatoos of whatever food we ate in Chinese characters so that everyone is like “What does that mean?” And we’ll be like “It means honor/courage/love/strength/etc.” but really it means “Pork fried rice/wonton soup/lo mein/etc.”

Make-up Interfering with Sleep

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 04:27:05 -0400

“You know how you’re trying to sleep, but every time you close your eyes, you just see the MAC ‘Hey, Sailor!’ collection.”

While Watching Toddlers & Tiaras

Sat, 19 May 2012 03:27:42 -0400

“I wish they had Little Miss Negative. ‘She hates spiders, talking to her little brother, and jury duty!’”

Punishing Kids

Tue, 08 May 2012 23:18:00 -0400

“We’re definitely gonna have a calm down corner cause you didn’t listen to mommy. Or a box! You’re in the calm down box cause you did not listen to mommy!”

Talking about the Duggar Mom

Wed, 02 May 2012 21:59:58 -0400

“That woman’s vagina must be so elastic. It’s like a clown car. People just keep coming out of it.”

Story About High School

Tue, 01 May 2012 21:22:07 -0400

“Where was I? Pizza lady…chicken lady…Latin class!”

Hahaha

Tue, 01 May 2012 18:04:59 -0400

“If he pats me on the head, I’ll pat him on the penis with a knife!”

You have something on your face...

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 18:03:59 -0400

“Get that fucking shit off your face!!”

Solution to Depression

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 02:02:33 -0400

“Go have fun in a safe, friendly environment, like a bouncy castle!”

Repertoire

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 18:06:13 -0400

“Mother fucka huah” *slams imaginary repertoire book on the table*