• You don’t have a boyfriend!

    Yes I do! My boyfriend’s in the stars. His name is Orion and he has a nice belt. Likes to show off his junk!

    • January 30th

  • Vampire Diaires

    Why do they have stretch marks under their eyes? It’s called concealer!

    • January 27th

  • It’s Cold

    My nips are having a field day that I wasn’t invited to chaperone.

    • January 26th

  • She’s a

    Hojoto - hoe!

    • January 25th

  • Food

    Chi Chi and Chik Chik!! Give me that sweet ques!

    • January 25th

  • I’m Offended

    My ancestors are rolling in their graves like rotisserie chickens right now.

    • October 1st

  • Television

    There should really just be pictures of cats on Saturday night programming. I mean, think of the people who are at home, watching tv, on Saturday nights.

    • September 23rd

  • Relationships

    I love how people congratulate themselves for getting through two months together. You lasted as long as a flu.

    • September 18th

  • Arm Hair

    I’m gonna comb down my arm hair. It’s really soft today. I’m glad I brushed it out.

    • September 9th

  • Eyebrows

    Dude, my eyebrows look like weird tadpoles or some shit.

    • August 14th